Eastleigh Gladiators – start the Games

Finally then the Eastleigh By Election is over? It was a short whirlwind campaign, finally won of course by the discredited LibDems. But the real question remaining is not about the main four candidates, but how well did the Party Leader Gladiators do, and how have they come out of it – fit or injured? Well, well. There was blood everywhere but in this tournament NO winners. The fight despite being so short was too much for them and they all were felled – the occasion was too strenuous and challenging for any of them. The full Games don’t start for two years but there is going to be at least some excitement and spats before then. The four gladiators:

 Starting with Nigel Farage UKIP, the real winner on the night. He was smiling and upbeat in the earlier hours of the morning, when the result was announced and his lady candidate had come in a refreshingly surprise second, just piped on the final straight. Behind that knowing smiling face was though a distraught man.

 WHAT FARAGE MIGHT HAVE SAID:  I’ve blown it. UKIP could have had its first MP and it is all my fault. If I had only stood as the UKIP candidate we would have done it. I have stood here before and this time my name would have been well worth a few thousand votes – enough to have won. Had we taken the seat it would have started a fireball of support in the whole country for our new party with a political leader that people believe tells the truth, a party that is no longer just about the EU, and we could have become the replacement 3rd Party in national politics. The one and only reason I didn’t stand was fear – fear that if we didn’t do that well it would harm our chances in the local elections. Shucks!

What Farage DID say:   something real is happening out ther….

 The real loser everyone agrees is David Cameron Consevative, but his reaction has been to put a straight face on it, although inside he is a haunted man knowing that the knives had already been sharpened in past months and now the assault was being planned in earnest.

WHAT CAMERON MIGHT HAVE SAID:  I admit that this result has been disastrous to the Party’s creditability and humiliatingly damaging to my position as PM. The main reason for the defeat and the crushing loss of 2nd place to UKIP, who I have tirelessly denigrated as being nobodies, is down to George Osborne ’s continually running of the economy as ‘a one trick pony’ operation on a ‘cut the deficit’ strategy – but I can’t sack him as he is my mate. I’d like to change for the sake of the country but I am too proud and arrogant. The second mistake that I made was to rely on the gay vote rather than growing the economy – the plain fact is that there are not enough gays in Eastleigh, and it shows that we will have to bus a few in, into many areas for the general election. Another problem is that we are a bit out of touch with the electorate and our local database in Eastleigh was 20 years out of date, from when we last won the seat, so the LibDems had up-to-date information and that wasn’t fair – I don’t understand why UKIP didn’t suffer because they had no information whatsoever. I still despise those little old Tory ladies and old buffer husbands at the constituency level who have taken all the credit for our past victories, and us aristocracy families will hold house parties next election and see them off. Moreover, when I find out which Conservative MPs are plotting against me I’ll set the Whips on them, provided they are not involved as well.

What Cameron DID say:    this was just a mid term protest vote….

 We have Ed Miliband Labour, caught in the corner, seen to be unable to take advantage of a Government in total disarray and the two coalition partners and leaders scrapping like polecats. Dishonesty and sexual scandals, accompanied by a degrading withdrawal of Britain’s credit rating, did nothing to draw voters’ support to Labour – meaning they could stay in Opposition a long time. He did though show true intellect shining through when having just lost an election he thought it would have been good idea to have had a more votes!

WHAT MILIBAND MIGHT HAVE SAID:  We were never going to win this seat but coming 4th is totally unacceptable. I admit I am a bit wet behind the ears but I have been doing better in PMQ’s lately – you will have seen Cameron getting really red in the face! My problem was that most people didn’t know who I am and those who do don’t fancy voting for me. The only saving grace is that everybody is giving me a break and having a go at Clegg or pulling the rug under PM Cameron – I’m worried about that though because if he gets replaced before the election anybody else might scupper me. UKIP threaten me as much as they do the Tories as I couldn’t stop them stealing our labour voters in Eastleigh. Alas, Eastleigh may have put a mocker on my chances of getting to be PM.

What Miliband DID say:  the by-election was always going to be “tough”…. Labour must “redouble its effort” to appeal to voters who were not traditional supporters….

 Ending with Nick Clegg LibDem, the pretend winner who everyone except the delusional LibDems suspect is also nearing the end. They were favourite to win the by election, but Clegg was wetting himself with fear because losing would be a fatal wound and nearly as bad as having to bear the smirk on Cameron’s face in the Cabinet office or his “bad luck Nick” comment which meant ‘I got you using every dirty tactic in the book’.

WHAT CLEGG MIGHT HAVE SAID:  I deserved a stroke of luck after the past few weeks that showed we LibDems are a bit more sleazy that we let on. I even lied for the party on the groping issue to try and get a resultWe won because we went for a short election and got our voters signatures on the postal votes before the other parties even woke up to the fact that there was an election. We are going to carry on pretending to be true government material and not lap dogs who only bite occasionally. I am not worried about my position as Deputy PM because that is a meaningless title anyway. I accept that I wont be leader of the Libdems at the General Election, but I will be going to Brussels instead – I know I have said I wont be Commissioner but everyone accepts that I don’t always stick with promises. Good luck to Cable not.

What Clegg DID say:    this by election has been stunning….a triumph

 

 [Dadman007 is on holiday so posts will be tardy or sparse]

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